Cutting out squares fro this flannel rag quilt is taking forever!!!! Rag quilts are so simple, but evidently my attention span is too short for even such a simple project. Oh well, I will just keep bringing myself back to it until it is done. Should be comfy though. I keep myself going by imagining sitting on the couch wrapped up in it with a little dog on my lap. My mom has my first one. This time I'm padding it with more flannel instead of batting. The one I gave her seems stiff -- though she likes it. It is certainly warm too. I takes 12 yards of fabric to make these. Think I will try to make one with jeans and flannel next. The engelbriet print log cabin quilt top I did is getting quilted by a friend of my mom's. I can hardly wait to see it. Mom plans to teach me to put on the binding after it is quilted. I imagine that it will hang out on my table as I work on the binding. One of the joys of living alone is that my projects can "live" on the table while I work on them at odd moments. Otherwise I truely would not get anything done! If I had the internet at home ( a goal for 2011 -- sad huh?) and could post at my table then there could be semi regular posts.

Good Grief, time does get away -- whether you are having fun or not. Work too busy for anything. Arg!

Whine Warning

I'm just going to whine for a bit here -- so I already know the "get over it replies" -- stuff them. I still have these questions -- could I have done anything differently, and remained within the guidelines of my principles, to keep these things from happening , and if so what?

The truth seems to be that one has to pretend to be totally secure and unbothered, and to not ask anything of anyone -- ever, in order to be generally liked and accepted. Allison has perfected this facade, Dede is pretty much universally loved -- and her problems are generally overlooked by most people -- except Gina and Rose, Gina is loved by anyone in her family and by anyone else who does not have to count on her being productive in office work. I am not loved -- not at all. I work hard , am student centered, do everything I know to support other staff, listen well to others in need and it just flat out does not matter.

So, Why:

were the Kopy girls so vicious and lying when I was just a little girl?

did that girl hate me so much that she wanted to pound me into the pavement?

did Jerry hate everything I did and said and ruin seven years of my life?

did Saleh lie and cheat and waste 5 years of my life?

did Bill ruin our marriage, my credit, and our home?

All my youth and beauty was wasted on three men who left me bankrupt and broken -- why would they hurt me this way? I did everything I knew to be a loving, supportive wife to each one in turn.

did other girls shun me in school, and still do? Case in point Rhonda.

did Allison throw mail under her desk for a year when other people needed it?

did Rose decide that act was just no big deal when it came to light?

is Dede extra sweet to people who I know she is really angry with?

did Holly beg me to accompany her and then treat me as an interloper?

Honestly, I do have to say "fuck it" and move on. And so I do. But it still puzzles and naggs at me. Are people just perversely vicious and lying -- or do I bring it out in them?

These days have been so hectic and I am soooo tired. I want to write and just do not have the oopph. This job just eats me up the first 6 weeks of the semester. Arg

Sunday's are too short LOL

OMG life is so hard right now!!!

9/9/09 no doubt there is something cosmic in this date -- at least it seems like there should be. this has been a very hectic day. I hope it ends better than it began -- cause it started with a terrible poopy mess from little Malie. But, it could all be much worse, so I'm grateful. But on days like this I swear I feel like Bridget Jones -- but without a handsome Hugh Grant to fill out the script. Arg!