Whine Warning

I'm just going to whine for a bit here -- so I already know the "get over it replies" -- stuff them. I still have these questions -- could I have done anything differently, and remained within the guidelines of my principles, to keep these things from happening , and if so what?

The truth seems to be that one has to pretend to be totally secure and unbothered, and to not ask anything of anyone -- ever, in order to be generally liked and accepted. Allison has perfected this facade, Dede is pretty much universally loved -- and her problems are generally overlooked by most people -- except Gina and Rose, Gina is loved by anyone in her family and by anyone else who does not have to count on her being productive in office work. I am not loved -- not at all. I work hard , am student centered, do everything I know to support other staff, listen well to others in need and it just flat out does not matter.

So, Why:

were the Kopy girls so vicious and lying when I was just a little girl?

did that girl hate me so much that she wanted to pound me into the pavement?

did Jerry hate everything I did and said and ruin seven years of my life?

did Saleh lie and cheat and waste 5 years of my life?

did Bill ruin our marriage, my credit, and our home?

All my youth and beauty was wasted on three men who left me bankrupt and broken -- why would they hurt me this way? I did everything I knew to be a loving, supportive wife to each one in turn.

did other girls shun me in school, and still do? Case in point Rhonda.

did Allison throw mail under her desk for a year when other people needed it?

did Rose decide that act was just no big deal when it came to light?

is Dede extra sweet to people who I know she is really angry with?

did Holly beg me to accompany her and then treat me as an interloper?

Honestly, I do have to say "fuck it" and move on. And so I do. But it still puzzles and naggs at me. Are people just perversely vicious and lying -- or do I bring it out in them?

These days have been so hectic and I am soooo tired. I want to write and just do not have the oopph. This job just eats me up the first 6 weeks of the semester. Arg

Sunday's are too short LOL

OMG life is so hard right now!!!

9/9/09 no doubt there is something cosmic in this date -- at least it seems like there should be. this has been a very hectic day. I hope it ends better than it began -- cause it started with a terrible poopy mess from little Malie. But, it could all be much worse, so I'm grateful. But on days like this I swear I feel like Bridget Jones -- but without a handsome Hugh Grant to fill out the script. Arg!

My birthday! Organised stuuf at home in the morning, went to the used book store, went to the Cupboard (cooking store) and the library. I am a wild woman!!! :-) I'm off to buy some burgandy to try Beouf Bergionion (bet I mispelled that badly). Cheers!

Went to PF Changs with Karin to celebrate my birthdya today -- her treat! Really good food, very fun to be with Karin.e went o J Jill to look at clothes before hand -- also lots of fun. Though the sales clerks was a bit snooty. Teehee. It is so fun ny when clerks do that.

Friday -- whew!!!!

It is Friday at last. What a long week. Took Buddy to an event for freshmen who are lonesome for their pets. He was not feeling well, have to get him back on his regular food. But he enjoyed the attention. He is such an angel. He has little points sticking up at the end of his reib cage and people often comment on them. I tell them that they are where his wings attach becuase he is such an angel. He did get upset with a male dog sniffing his privates, which was a little upsetting. But he is very tolerant of people.

Student connections

One of the good things about CSU is garnering student connections. I love asking students what they didi over the summer -- their answers vary so much! Just this morning one student told me that he worked on an intersting test project for NASA, another spent his 5th year as a camp counselor where he attended camp as a kid for 8 years, another spent a week with a friend in San Francisco and visited a "castle" winery in Napa valley. It is amazing. I plan to take my little boy dog to visit with a group of freshman this evening. It is a group designed to give freshmen a little pet contact as they are missing their pets. I think my dog have a little taste of doggie heaven with this event. Plus I get to connect with students and meet other staff. Such a good combination! Tomorrow I plan to attend the Old Town Art Gallery walk with a number of Freshman students to get them aquainted with what the area has to offer. This also promises to be a lot of fun. This morning I read an article on a number of universities across the nation that are allowing pets in the residence halls. Though that could be problematic -- it also seems like it could be great.

mice

The mice are coming in and it isn't even cold out yet!!! Yikes. I Have to figure out more effective ways of keeping them out because I hate having to kill them!

I think I will try putting up the sound devices that are supposed to keep them at bay in every available out let. My garage has an opening that I need to figure out how to cover effectively. There are a lot of fields near my home, as well as open space, so this is likely to continue to be a problem. Grrr.

My tomatoes are comming in so I'm making lots of fresh salsa. I can bring it in to the "hungry hordes" at work, so I can experiment with lots of variations. I have to watch my salt intake and so do not salt it. But there is so much flavor, who needs salt?

Foray to develop writing habit

Hopefully at some point during this experiment Iwill be able to afford internet service at home. For now I will stick with writing on most weekdays and see if I can develop a habit. I remeber that there was some kind of research about the amont of thime it takes to develop a habit, and to undermine a habit, but don't recall the particulars -- just the generality that it takes much less time to undermine a habit than to develop one... typical, oh well.

I imagine that having some sort of focus will help this process. Though I'll be surprised if other people actually read this. Since there are millions of bloggers "out there" on numerous sites, it would be very random for anyone to choose this to read-- ahhh "Ramdom Atoms" a phrase from my misspent youth. A possibility, but an oxymoron too ... a focus of Ramdom Atoms? So, no.

Living in Fort Collins ... perhaps a good start. There has been a lot of media attention given to how wonderful it is to live in Fort Collins. And indeed it is a great place to be. But the best place on earth ... not so much. I have been to a few places on our globe and have found a lot to like in most of them. In Fort Collins we have a wide variety of resturants, pleasant weather most of the time, proximity to activities involving the "great outdoors" on the plains and in the mountains, excellent drinking water, and access to fresh foods. But don't a LOT of places have these things? One of the truly unique attributes here it that, with a few exceptions, we have courteous people working in, and shopping in, our local stores. Courteous service is the rule, not the exception, here. Now, is that worth the expense and hassle of actually moving here? Probably not. It is also very dry, somewhat high in altitude, difficult weather and climate to garden in, somewhat low pay, somewhat high cost of living, and a bit provincial and conservative -- which is a weird mix.